(The scene of my abduction and rape when I was 9 years old.)
I am a virginal nine-year-old little girl and he is looming over me, planting
his feet on the cement so I cannot get past him. It is just before 4 o’clock
in the aft ernoon on an ordinary school day and the sun is out. I’m on a
wide sidewalk just around the corner from my doorman building in one
of New York City’s safest neighborhoods. But still, I can tell I’m in serious
His hair is greasy and his eyes are ugly. He is wearing a black leather
jacket and he looks tough. When he begins talking to me, I can tell he is a
liar and is using a pretend voice like the one the big bad wolf in Little Red
Riding Hood used.
He tells me he is a police officer who needs my “help finding an old lady’s
dog.” Inside, my gut is screaming at me, “Run! Run!! Get away from him!!!”
But, I cannot because I am a good girl, raised by adults who have never given
me permission to challenge the command of an adult.
I silence my frantic inner voice, as he snatches my small hand and
puts it in his while forcing me to cross the street. I had not expected to be
led away in a fl esh handcuff and so now I am sure he is stealing me and I
On the southern side of this block there is a row of matching pre-war
buildings, just a football field away from my guarded apartment fortress that
is still in my sight. I keep turning my head back, hoping that a real police
officer or any grown up will notice what is happening to me. My panic is
rising with each step we take because I know my safety is fleeting the further
away I am taken.
In shock, my mind feels like scrambled eggs being whipped into
submission and I can tell my psyche is being broken like an egg. I don’t know
where he is abducting me to, at the same time that I am trying to memorize
the route so I might have a chance to escape.
My hand remains invisibly welded to his, as he takes me down a flight
of steel stairs leading to the building’s basement. My eyes are blinking too
fast and my stomach is internally vomiting with fear…